


second place

by yookhei



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: M/M, Mentions of Sex, Unrequited Love, bed sharing, fwb kinda???, inspired on real events haha, purposefully lowercase, this ones for u sad folk, unreliable narrator i b all over the place, virginity is a social construct dont let this fic fool u
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-30
Updated: 2020-03-30
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:20:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23392384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yookhei/pseuds/yookhei
Summary: "you don't exist when he's around" jaemin tells him, as they watch mark smile while he's talking to jaehyun.
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee
Comments: 5
Kudos: 48





	second place

**Author's Note:**

> its 4am and i started writing this becauseeee mark lee is a metaphor for my crush  
> ignore my typos// not beta read  
> songs inspired:  
> 6 feet under - lola young  
> selfish - madison beer  
> someday, the boy - kim feel  
> moral of the story - ashe  
> weak - ajr

donghyuck never planned on liking mark. yeah he thought he was cute but, liking him? he could never. the only reason he became friends with mark his freshman year at college was because he thought mark was friends with lucas, the cute guy from accounting.

too bad donghyuck's a dumbass and didn't realize that just because two people greet each other doesn't mean they necessarily hang out together. but it was too late. he was already mark's friend and had entered his friend circle. it's not like he could just say, "oh you're _not_ close with yukhei?? well.... see ya!"

plus mark seemed like a good guy. he was real fucking loud though.

his "OIIIIIIIIII" being heard from like a fucking mile away. _god_ was there any reason to be that loud???

truth be told, donghyuck didn't really like mark when he first met him. yeah he thought he was cool and all, but he mostly thought he was annoying. he was always really loud and talking a lot with that stupid cute face of his.

at least he has that going for him.

donghyuck spent a couple of months pining over the cute boy with the great smile and even greater arms, making plans to go up to him and ask him for help in class. but, of course, this story isn't about donghyuck and lucas. so, of course, it didn't work out.

donghyuck doesn't like telling people about it but he found yukhei's twitter and followed him, waiting excitedly for yukhei to follow him back so he could dm him and shoot his shot. sadly, lucas never followed him back (he still tweeted though) and donghyuck was humiliated. he waited three days to unfollow lucas (he didn't want to make it obvious) and forgot all about him.

he moved on with his life, he didn't even like lucas so he wasn't hurt about it, it was just embarrassing. 

donghyuck spent more and more time with his new friend group and with mark, finding him less and less annoying each time.

if you were to ask him at what point he started seeing mark as adorable instead of annoying, he wouldn't know what to tell you. was it the night that donghyuck and his mom got into an argument and he was on the phone with mark, the latter trying his best to cheer him up? or was it just because mark was stupid good looking and that finally drowned everything else out? donghyuck would never know.

he didn't want to admit it but donghyuck knew he had developed a crush on mark. yeri had a semi well-known crush on mark's best friend, jaehyun, so donghyuck found it in his best interest to talk to her about it. 

"that's so cute hyuck! imagine if it all works out, we'd be two best friends dating best friends!" she exclaimed, swooning at the idea.

"yeri i don't even think he likes me? like he flirts but... it's mark... he flirts with everyone, you know he doesn't mean it." he sighs

"you're right he even jokingly flirts with me too." she gagged, recalling earlier in the day when mark asked if she needed "help" with statistics while winking.

so the months went by like this, with donghyuck running to text yeri any time mark would say anything slightly suggestive of feelings towards him. 

donghyuck didn't want to consider himself the jealous possessive type but something rubbed him the wrong way every time he saw jaehyun and mark get too close to each other. it wasn't just friendly discussions, something felt weird about it. mark's hand would linger on jaehyun for a beat too long to not be obvious when he was trying to catch his attention. anytime jaehyun needed anything, mark was right there, without question or being need told. mark would walk across campus just so he could give his dining pass to jaehyun when he was hungry after class since mark's meal plan was better than his.

at first he tried to convince himself that it meant nothing and that "that's just what best friends do" but he couldn't help but notice that jaehyun never truly did anything back for mark. he never went out of his way to do things for him the way mark did.

it wasn't until jaemin called mark a simp for rearranging the whole table just so jaehyun could sit comfortably that donghyuck felt like he wasn't the only one seeing things. he sat with jaemin and told him about his crush on mark, making him promise to never tell him.

"oh don't worry dude im 100% on your side, go dongark! markdong? hyuckark? maryuck? markhyuck???" donghyuck laughed and rolled his eyes, telling the younger boy to shut up before someone heard him.

"you know mark's still a virgin right? you think you can handle that inexperience hyuckie?"

"what?!!! how is he still a virgin if he looks like that???" 

"apparently his last girlfriend was really religious." jaemin explained, shrugging.

"more than mark?" donghyuck asked, knowing that mark liked to pray before meals.

"i guess? i mean the boys were talking about it and he mentioned that he was still a virgin because his ex didn't want to go too far and he wasn't going to push her. no idea how he's 20 and still a virgin though, lost my shit at 18." jaemin laughed

"really? damn i feel like a hoe i lost mine at 16?? with my first real boyfriend jeno, remember when i told you about him?"

"oh god please don't start again. don't yall still hook up when he comes back into town from uni?"

donghyuck looked away so that he wouldn't have to confirm his suspicions.

"how can you say you like mark then go around and fuck your ex?" jaemin wondered out loud.

"shut up! it's called making do with what you have okay!" he laughed while jaemin rolled his eyes in silent judgement.

"hey, want me to ask mark if he likes anyone? we're pretty close and i'm sure he'd tell me if i asked?" jaemin offered.

donghyuck thought about it. it seemed like a good idea to get things over with. true he could just confess to mark and know the truth right then and there but when has anyone just done that? so donghyuck agreed and let jaemin do all the work for him because that's what friends were for.

so when jaemin told him later that week, that mark told him that he had romantic feelings for jaehyun, donghyuck told himself that he was not surprised. the more he told himself that this was news he expected the less he felt like it would hurt.

so when jeno came back home for thanksgiving, sending hyuck that "you up?" text, he didn't think twice before grabbing his keys and going over to his place. letting jeno mindlessly fuck him into oblivion.

they had sex at his place, in the backseat of his car in the parking lot outside of the movie theater, in the restroom of a mutual friend's house during a party, and again while parked at a foreclosed house. huh, maybe donghyuck had a thing for cars.

donghyuck tried not to think of mark. he had stayed at the dorms because his parents found it too expensive for them to buy him two plane tickets just to spend a couple of days home and told him just to wait until christmas. donghyuck had thought about inviting him to stay over at his since he had two beds in his room, one now empty because his sister got engaged and moved out, but he also knew that he would never be able to move on this way. he was more of an "out of sight out of mind" type of person.

thanksgiving break came and went, which in college terms, meant that finals were coming up. the change in his class schedule made him busy to the point where he didn't have time to hang out with the gang (mark mostly) anymore. he felt thankful but with a heavy heart. he knew it was something he had to do. 

after finals came winter break, _thank god._ but... not really... donghyuck was planning on taking a winter mini course because being average was never his thing and if he had the option to be above average he'd take it.

donghyuck thought that maybe with jeno back in town for the break that he'd have more chances to forget about mark. he was ready to call jeno up when he found out, through instagram, that jeno was dating someone.

_when the hell did this happen?_

donghyuck scrolled through their pictures together, finding it impossible that jeno was dating someone when he had his dick in his ass a couple weeks ago.

he tried not to be hurt about it but it really made him wonder what he was going to do now. jeno was his safety net. jeno was easy, not complicated.

donghyuck knew that he was projecting his feelings for mark on jeno but he pushed that thought to the back of his head. if liking jeno would be easier for him than liking mark, then it was something donghyuck would have to convince himself to do. of course, he'd never admit it to anyone because this is the dark place behind donghyuck's brain and even he doesn't know this thought exists.

and so donghyuck spent the rest of his winter sad and alone. he (thought he) wanted jeno back but there was nothing he could do about it.

mark and donghyuck did text (they were still friends, after all) and when mark noticed the change in donghyuck's demeanor, he asked him what was wrong.

donghyuck was a bit hesitant in telling mark about jeno.

call him dumb but he didn't want mark to think that jeno was any competition so he never mentioned him before. wait? how does this make sense? donghyuck LIKES jeno??? of course he should be competition for mark? he should be winning since donghyuck likes JENO.

anyway, donghyuck decided that it was time he told mark about his past relationship. he told him about how jeno became his boyfriend when they were both 15 and that they broke up a a couple of months before their senior prom, both taking other dates instead. 

donghyuck remembers being really heartbroken during the time, wishing that he and jeno had gone together. he still even wished that now. 

he told mark, over the phone, about how jeno was his first. how he lost his virginity to him when he was 16 and jeno 17. mark was surprised.

"i honest to god thought you were a virgin this whole time."

donghyuck laughed, "oh no, sorry mark but that ship sailed years ago."

he told mark about how the two didn't stop sleeping with each other just because they had broken up. months after graduating high school, he remembers being on his knees on jeno's bed, pillows swallowing his moans. how he'd sit on jeno and ride him back and forth on his desk chair at home. he even told mark about that one time he sucked jeno off in his living room even though his parents were a room away, mentioning how the possibility of getting caught added to his high.

"o-oh, i didn't know you did all that, hyuck." mark whispered.

donghyuck knew he didn't have to tell mark all the details about his sex life with jeno but he also knew that it had turned mark on. who was donghyuck if not a tempter?

if donghyuck heard mark stifle a moan and liquid noises while he told him, in great detail, about his experience, he didn't mention it.

and so january came, along with a new semester but old habits. donghyuck found himself looking at mark again but this time with no expectations. he knew where mark's heart was at and he didn't find it in him to try to fight a losing battle.

mark was still the same flirty guy as always and donghyuck played along with it since he was a masochist. donghyuck knew mark had feelings for jaehyun but he couldn't help but feel like he had feelings for him, too.

life didn't seem to root for jaehyun and mark though, since jaehyun and yeri started dating the second week back in school. she told donghyuck all about it, excitement dripping from every word.

donghyuck was happy for her, and he hated that a little part of him was happy that jaehyun wasn't with mark. he didn't want to be that person.

donghyuck thought that maybe with jaehyun in a relationship that mark would stop liking him and move on (possibly open his eyes and see someone who was there all along?). and although there were some changes to their dynamic, the two would hang out less and they would see jaehyun less as well, donghyuck couldn't help but feel like it wasn't the end.

mark was beginning to be extra flirty around donghyuck, hand lingering when trying to get his attention. moving his plate from where he was sitting to sit next to donghyuck instead. holding his hand out of nowhere for a couple of seconds. donghyuck felt something, he was scared to know what.

it was a nice spring night when the group decided to have a party, mark got drunk but was able to walk most of it off. he still asked donghyuck if he could stay over instead of having to catch an uber back to campus, donghyuck agreed.

he was so tired but not tired enough to stop overthinking, mind keeping him awake as mark lay next to him in bed.

"wanna be the little spoon?" he asked, jokingly but was thankful that mark opened his arms.

donghyuck had his head under mark's arm, an arm around his waist and his leg over mark's, ready to go to sleep. he then remembered that he needed to turn his alarm off and turned to shut it off. when he went back, he realized mark widened his leg a bit so instead of having his leg on top of mark's, it fell in between. so donghyuck was now half on mark, stomach down.

he didn't know what to do with his current situation and even considered moving, until he felt mark start rutting against his leg.

 _is he aware of what he's doing right now?_

he knew mark wasn't drunk anymore, tipsy if anything, but wasn't sure whether or not mark was doing it in his sleep. maybe he's having a wet dream?

donghyuck tried his best to do small movements down on mark, helping him out in whatever way he could. he didn't want to risk anything and stayed safe. he had to hold in his gasp when he felt mark's hand start massaging his ass. they kept going at a steady pace and donghyuck could feel mark's length through his sweats, only helping in hardening him more. 

mark moved a bit and adjusted himself, coincidentally aligning them both up. donghyuck had to stifle a moan. all previous thoughts had left his mind as he rutted down gently on mark, met halfway by him lifting his hips. he kept going back and forth slowly, painfully, until it seemed like mark had enough because he grabbed his ass and started pushing hyuck lower and harder. it only took a few seconds after that when he felt mark's muscles contract and heard him sigh. his own release came soon after. 

he had no idea what time it was and he didn't want to know. the exhaustion completely took over and he fell in a deep sleep.

mark woke up before him and when donghyuck remembered what happened he freaked.

_what was that??? what am i supposed to say now? oh my god what if he regrets it?_

so he did what any rational person would do, pretend to be asleep until mark left the room.

when mark came back, donghyuck had already gotten up and changed, ready for whatever conversation they were about to have. 

"hyuck... about last night.... i'm so sorry i did that to you, i don't know what i was thinking. i think just being really close to someone-you- got to me." he explained, looking guilty.

"ah... mark, it's okay! it happens sometimes yeah? i mean, hey, at least you know i'm down?" he answered, having previously practiced the sentence about a million times in his head.

mark laughed and the two got on with their day, not mentioning what had happened.

somehow, donghyuck found out that mark had told jaehyun about what had happened between them. he wasn't too sure how he felt about that but he decided to let it go.

donghyuck didn't want to fool himself into thinking that mark would start liking him after what happened but he couldn't help but hope that there was something there.

it wasn't until one day when hyuck arrived at the library where mark was at that he knew. mark smiled as he saw hyuck and looked ready to say something until he saw that jaehyun came up behind him and instead faced him, stopping his sentence to greet jaehyun instead.

"and jaemin's right, i don't exist when she's around" donghyuck later told yeri, wallowing in his thoughts.

"i just... i think it's time i _finally_ move on." he continued

yeri only looked at him sadly.

"you know, my cousin introduced me to this guy, hyunjin? she said she could set up a date for me. i'm thinking about telling her yes."

"are you sure that's what you want hyuckie?" yeri asked, worried.

"it's what i need. i don't deserve someone who makes me question whether or not they like me."

and so donghyuck went on that date with hyunjin. it was a wonderful night and the two had a lot of fun. hyunjin was probably the cutest most nicest boy donghyuck had ever met. they kissed on their third date.

"i like him, i like hyunjin." donghyuck told jaemin, almost like a mantra.

"are you trying to convince me or yourself?" he asked back

donghyuck chose to ignore that comment and looked at the photobooth pictures he had taken with hyunjin the night before.

he was happier than he had been in a while and he was glad that things were finally looking up for a change.

he even started to see mark as annoying again. he'd ask hyuck all these questions like "how are you and your boy?" "have yall kissed?" "has he met your parents?" "you like him?"

like damn who are you to ask all these questions??? why are you so curious!!! donghyuck couldn't help but feel annoyed at mark's inquisitiveness and started talking to him less.

for a long time, donghyuck thought he was ready to be in a relationship. he thought that's what he had wanted with mark. it wasn't until hyunjin, the perfect boy, that he realized that he didn't want to be in a relationship. he just couldn't find it in him to get into that type of commitment.

"you'd be ready if he was the right guy." yeri sing-songed.

"i've been telling you that i don't think you're that into him. when's the last time you replied?"

donghyuck had to think for a moment. _fuck_. he hadn't replied in a couple of hours.

so that's how he knew he had to stop talking to hyunjin before he made things worse and continued to lead him on. hyunjin, being the most perfect guy ever, completely understood and told him that he'd always be there if he needed anything.

"god... i'm really gonna regret letting him go huh." he sighed, talking to jaemin.

"yup!" he shoved jaemin.

"he was perfect! but not for you, you found your perfect in someone else." he finished.

donghyuck shook his head. he really didn't want to do this again.

"i'm not going to tell mark i stopped talking to hyunjin. i don't want him to bother me like before and give me mixed signals. things are better now that he keeps his distance."

jaemin looked at him, curious, 'are you sure that's a smart idea?"

"i don't care if it's smart, it's just something that needs to be done. i need to move on. i can't live my life wondering whether or not he'll stop liking jaehyun enough to look at me. i can't let myself be his second choice, fuck that. if he won't choose me first, i'll choose myself. this is what i need. fuck everything else, i need to do this for myself."

and donghyuck continued to live a lie, giving fake answers on his relationship status, all to protect his healing heart.

it wasn't until one night, months later, that he decided to tell mark the truth. he felt like he was finally over him. he no longer saw him with rose colored glasses and thought that he was in the free of falling again.

"how's hyunjin?" mark had asked.

"oh i don't know, i stopped talking to him weeks ago." he over-simplified.

"what??? when did this happen??" mark near shouted.

"a while back? it wasn't that important so i didn't feel the need to mention it." he answered nonchalantly.

"why did you stop talking to him?"

"i just... don't think he's what i wanted. he was perfect and more than anything i could've ever asked for... it's just, when they're not the one they're not the one, no matter how much you want them to be, you know?"

mark looked deeply into his eyes, "yeah... i know."

**Author's Note:**

> it's 6am now, let me know what you think! pls check out my other works as well n give me motivation 2 update ):  
> if u caught that 10:03 reference then you're an og and can see how my life connects to these hahaha


End file.
